Hmm... Life is quite the interesting subject. Talk to some, and they will say that life is a waste. Life is not worth living, and that you're better off elsewhere. Heaven or Hell. Talk to others, and they will tell you that life is worth it. You're better off here, learning, growing, living. I've realized this more this past week than any other time in my life. The time we have on this earth is precious. Every little memory; every little pasttime; every little heartbreak is another step to growth. The good. The bad. The happy. The sad. Every emotion, every thought, every feeling is life itself. To make it good, all you have to do is think that all is well.
I know. Quite the change from my last blog, eh? :P Well, I have had a lot on my mind, and I have decided, that it's not worth wasting my time worrying. Worrying about the future, worrying about love or hate. But what it is worth, is learning. My past week has been a rollercoaster of every emotion and trial that's really possible in my situation.
The other night, I walked to the door, grabbed the ripstick and decided to be alone for a while. Cameron noticed I was leaving and asked if he could tag along. "NO!!!!" I thought to myself, but said, "Sure..." When we got out, I spilled my thoughts. I told him how I was feeling. Told him that I was ready to give up. Then he said one of many things that I will never forget. "Every trial your going through, you can handle. Nothing is thrown at you that you can't." I thought to myself, "Yeah, I can handle this. I'm tough. I'm not weak. I'm not going to give in to whatever power is trying to bring me down. I can step up and do this." Cameron has such a way of being profound sometimes. I do miss walking out with him to have a smoke. A lot was said on our small 5 minute breaks. Thanx Cam.
I don't know what's going to happen to me within the next year, let alone the next month. All I know is that I can handle it, and I can learn from it. Morgan is an amazing girl. I can't explain to anyone what happened to me the very first time I saw her. On my side, it was love at first sight. But she's not ready, and I don't know if she ever will be. For me at least. I do know that because I met her, I have grown. I have learned. I have learned patience, love, compassion, friendship, and all of this happened in one week. One week of my small existence. The best, and worst week of my life. She is broken. Broken into many pieces. I've noticed that a lot of the girls that I have liked, started out broken, I've mended them, and then they move on. Move on to bigger and better things. I just hope that one day, one of them won't want to leave, and I'll stay with them forever.
As for my roommates, I couldn't ask for better. Sam pulled me aside, and told me that he didn't feel how I thought he felt about me. Told me that he was there for me, and if there was anything I needed, he would help me out. This caught me off guard so bad. I don't know if he noticed, but I was shocked. I have no idea why. I should have known this. They are amazing in every way. I love the many late night talks I have with Deena (mostly about how stupid guys are, but hey, it helps me not be stupid! jk). She is one of the greatest women in my life.
NESSA!!!!!!!! I can't even start! I don't know where to start. You love me no matter what I do. But I will tell you this, your guilt stares sure work! Haha! I couldn't ask for a better fake sis! I can tell you this much. We did meet for a reason. Now, what that reason is, I couldn't tell you. But you have done so much for me, and I don't know how I'll even prepare to begin to pay you back. Love ya, and always will.
Alyse. You rock! I've missed seeing you so much. You helped me realize who I am. You gave me confidence. I love reading your many blogs. It's nice to stay updated when I don't see you as much anymore. I wish I had a car! :-P
Cosette. I don't even know if you read my blogs, but you are one awesome girl. Your latest blog sure helped me out, and I am indebted to you for it. Thank you for being support when you didn't even know it! Tee hee! :->
And if there is anyone else I forgot, I'm sorry. I'm very tired. I just took my sleeping pill and it sure has kicked in. I can barely still sit here and type, so I'll be off. Thank you to all for giving me a better lookout on life and a stronger self-confidence. Goodnight
Jay
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