YYYYYYAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!? I HAVE A CAR!!!! A FREAKING AWESOME ONE AT THAT!!!! It's an Isuzu Trooper. Similar to a Jeep Grand Cherokee, or a Chevrolet Blazer! IT'S HUGE!! I feel so powerful in that thing!!! And it's perfect for camping! :-P It has high and low four wheel drive and the tires are gigantic! Only problem with it, is the tires, the spark plugs and a rear light plate need to be replaced before it can pass emmisions... That is going to be insanely expensive, considering my tires are going to be at least $100 each... Oh well. That's what I get for a $1500 car. :-P I still love it though. And it's a good thing that it's a fixer upper. I've done spark plugs before, so I can do that myself. Oh! And the exhaust is very slightly leaking, so I just need to find the hole and JB weld it up!! :-P I love it so much though. It's so much fun to drive I feel like I can eat all the other cars alive! I love it so much! :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
I'll post a picture of it on here as soon as I can!!!!

GUESS WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?

So, I might be getting a car today!!! :-P I can't wait. I'm at work right now, but after work, I'm going over to a dealer and my dad is going to help me. He's going to pay the down payment and then I'll just pay him back once the car is payed off. It's pretty cool. This dealership does 90 days same as cash for their used cars, so you give them the down, and then the rest you just have to give them within 90 days. This way you don't have any car payments after that! :-> It'll be great!!!
So, for those of you who care, and those who don't, here's my plan for my future!

-Go to MATC for Auto Mechanics
-Finish school in about a year
-Pay off Deena within the next 6 months
-Once I finish school in about a year and a half, after Alexis is done with one year of college... we're off to Florida!!!! :-P Can't Wait!!!

:-P
Jorden

Life Sucks Sometimes.... GET OVER IT!!!!

You know, I've got plenty of reason to be angry. A whole lot. From a car crash, to my parents about to kick me out, I have a lot of reason to be angry. From debt to court. Blah Blah Blah! So many things have happened in the last couple weeks that I've finally said FUCK IT! I don't even care anymore. I've gotten to the point where if something bad happens, my attitude just says "Whatever." I feel like I've grown Immune to problems. Anything fired at me, I don't budge, cause I don't feel. But I do want to say one thing. Sam, if I were in Deena's position, (that is having two people owe her over 1000 dollars each) I'd do the same thing. I really don't blame her at all. I doubt you'll even read this because for some reason you've decided to never ever talk to me again. I've got more reason to hate you, Sam, and still, I text, I call you, but you never ever answer. "Whatever." I just don't care anymore.

I know this is not good. I know becoming immune can only lead to bad places, but i just don't care anymore. Not. One. Bit.

My dad found my hookah. Told me that that was the last straw. If he finds anything else, I'm out. I crashed his car coming down the canyon. Almost flipped over. I didn't flip out as much as I should have. Ask Rob.

I've lost all feelings.

And I don't care.

The only thing good, :-), is my Alexis. On the 23rd, it will be our 5 month mark. Can't wait for 6. :-> She's the only thing keeping me in Utah. Even then, if we're still together, she wants me to move to Florida with her in a year and a half. And that, I really can't wait for. Get out of Utah. Have a fresh start. Do everything that I meant to do. Get a real job. Be who I want to be, without being criticized and hurt for it. I'm sick of this place, and as soon as I pay deena off, I'm out of my parents house for good. I'll fuckin sleep on the streets if I have to. I'm Done.

OMG!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY NESSA!!!!

HAPPY 18TH NEESA!! I MISS YOU!!! HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN WAY TOO LONG!!! :-P

OH MY GOD!!!!

So I just got back from watching "This Is It". OH. MY. GOD. It was absolutely fantastic! He was such a character, such a genius. Man I wish he could've at least done one show! I definitely recommend said movie to all y'all!

If you hadn't noticed, I deleted my last post. The reason? Well, I have a tendency to gravitate to anyone who will listen, even if it hurts someone else. I'm working on that. Those were very personal things about my girl, but it happened. She's doing better, if you were wondering. At first she wasn't sure if she wanted me to come over, but a few days later, her mom called me at work. She told me that her daughter needs me. That, even if she may not want me, she needs me. Kathleen said that she was acting very lonely and just getting worse. So, Friday night, after picking up Cameron, I went over there. I didn't know if it was going to be awkward at all. I opened the door, and she grabbed me, and wouldn't let me go. :-) It felt so good to hold her in my arms. I love you, Lex!!!

hmmm.... What else to blog about?

I'm getting a car!!!! It's a Geo tracker, otherwise known as a Suzuki.. something, can't remember. It's basically a Jeep knock-off. It's so amazing! But, of course, I have to come up with the money. Five-hundred dollars down. It isn't too bad, but when you're in debt in more than one place, like me, it is quite a lot. Still, I can't wait to get it!

OH!!! By the way! Rob and Amber are moving to Lehi!!! They'll be closer!!! They found a 3 bedroom house with a studio basement, and a fireplace outback for the same price as their paying for their apartment! So that's awesome! And I may be moving into that studio apartment sometime! So stoked!!!

Anyways, thanks for reading! At least this time it was a happy blog right?

--Jorden

LIVING IN A DUMP!!!!!

Well, I have moved home.

Is It Even Describable?

I'm in a really really good mood! I don't know what it is. Maybe just because I'm actually working towards something. I'm actually earning money. I'm actually getting ready to start my life again. Yeah, so I have to move home. Whatever, it's not going to kill me. I can handle a little discomfort, right, Cam? It may just be because I found my old hoodie from eighth grade! :-P HAHA! And now I'm chewing on the hoodie strings, just like I used to. What a bad habit! Or it may just be because of my wonderful girl, Alexis. But whatever it is, I'm in a surprisingly good mood. I say we should all keep in contact. It'd be insanely awesome if, twenty years from now, when we all have kids and a new life, we were still blogging and telling everyone from the old apartment how we're doing. It's amazing what technology can do. :-> Love you guys! I'm looking forward to seeing you guys again! :-P

Anyway, so I'm just kinda sitting here at training for my new job and I'm kinda bored. We're on break, and I have nothing to do for the next ten minutes, so I decided to blog! :-P But, I now have nothing to talk about! I love the leaves at this time of the year. They're so beautiful. It's funny, cause I absolutely hate cold weather, but I love looking at snow, and listening to christmas music, and sitting by the fire. If there was a way for it to snow only in December, I might just be okay with that. Hmm.. I think I'm going to pull out my Christmas music. I really want to listen to it now. :-P I know, I know. Halloween hasn't even passed yet, but you know, at least I'm not as bad as retail stores. They had christmas stuff at Wal-Mart in the back when I was working there. That was the end of September!!!! God that's too early!

I should post a picture.... Hmm....

What about this one?




I love her!!!!!!!

Maybe this one too! I made it on Paint!



I was bored....

Well, love you all!

Jorden

The Never Ending Game Of Life!

HMM.... WHERE TO START?!?!?!?!?!?

I'll go good news first!!!! I can't say life is too amazing right now, but I can say that it'll work out for the best.
First, the issue with Alexis' mom really didn't have much to do with me dating her daughter. I was just overstaying my visit. She would like to have her home to herself every once in a while and I completely understand. I was over there 12/7, no joke! I'd wake up, go over, come home, go to bed! :-P That's how much I love Alexis! Anyways, Alexis and I are doing just as grand as ever. I know I've said this about pretty much every girlfriend I've ever had.... I tend to exaggerate things.... but this time is different. I know, roll your eyes, you've heard it before. But really, this is different. This time I completely quit looking for a girlfriend, in fact, I didn't want one! I know! It's insane! Jorden didn't want a girlfriend?!?!?!?!?!? I just got sick of it. Ever since Julia, I have been looking for someone to marry. Every time I found someone, I would just dive in on the idea. And then scare them all away! I'm really good at that! Well I finally just gave up! Completely! Then Alexis just happened. It was really weird. As soon as I give up, she just walks right into my life. Apparently Alexis has a real temper. Well, her mom says that ever since I came around she's calmed down a ton! And then, on the other end, she's calmed my wild side down. No sex, no drugs, all because of her. And, to top it all off, we both have the SAME DREAM CAR!!! HAHA! The 1967 Shelby Cobra GT 500! MMMMM! Anyways, that's the good news.

The bad news. Well, I have to move home. For various reasons, but one the most of all. Deena. I love her to death, but she pulled an unexpected on me. She filed court papers for the money that Sam and I owe her. So, now, on top of wanting a car, paying rent, and expenses, I would now have to pay that. Well, it wasn't going to happen. I am now having to move downstairs to a little space, (that's right, a space, not a room) behind the couch in my family room so that I can pay everything off. It's absolutely ridiculous. I don't know how long I will last in my parent's basement, (what a damper on my ego... ugh!). Life is definitely an interesting place.

Well, thanx for reading!
Jay
P.S. I don't know if I will be able to post much more this week until I move home.

Adults and Children

I often wonder if there is a difference. Between Adults and Children, that is. I thought there was. There should be. But the more and more I look, the less and less I see a line between the two. Take my parents for example. So I moved out, I didn't go on a mission. That is my choice. When I moved into my latest apartment, my dad was flat out rude to my new roommates. He was angry and frustrated that I wasn't coming home, but that gave him no right to be so rude. Also, everytime I tell him that I may have a job, or this came up, this is awesome, my dad just shoots me down. It's like he doesn't want me to succeed. Or, no, let me take that back. He wants me to come home, and succeed the way he wants me to.

Another example. My girlfriend is fantastic. We complete each other so well. And her mom loved me! So much to the point of offering to help me find a job. I was and idiot and declined her offer, because I'm a little selfish. I wanted to do it on my own. That was an idiotic mistake, but I did. Now, she thinks I'm lazy and irresponsible and is trying to break us up. I don't understand it. Apparently Alexis had a very high temper. But I've never seen it. Her mom told me that I've calmed her down a ton. Now she's telling Alexis that I'm a Dead Beat!!! I texted her mom. This is exactly what it said:
Hi Kathleen, I just wanted to talk like adults.
That's exactly what I said, and she calls Alexis and says that she feels that I am harassing her. I hadn't even said anything before that, and had not even seen her for days. She is acting like a child.

I'm only 19, and I feel that I'm more mature than all these "adults" that surround me. I just can't believe it.

Good News... Bad News...

Hmm... Which should I start with? Well, might as well get the ranting over with. Haha.
Bad News:

1. Today did not go as planned.
-I was supposed to meet my new friend, David, at Wal-Mart today at 10. I got there a little late and he missed me. I waited in front of Wal-Mart for 2 hours, hoping he would show. I finally went into Wal-Mart and called him. He said he hadn't even come yet. Apparently "his car needed a jump." I believed him at first, but when the personell lady, Kelli, told me that he had already come in to pick up his check, I knew he was lying. He told me he'd be there in 5 minutes, so I went out to wait for him. I waited and waited. An hour later I just said, "Fuck Him!" I went into Wal-Mart, got my paycheck, bought some smokes and a movie, and went to stogies, got some salvia, and then went elsewhere, (that's part of the GOOD news, :-))

2. My lease ends soon.
-It just seems like life is falling apart. I'm losing all my friends, and I just can't handle change. I've never been good with it. At least I'll still see Cameron on the weekends. I would love to find a way to hang with Nessa and them. It'd be great every once in a while. Which brings me to this.
*Sam, I'm sorry. I tried texting you, I don't know if you got it, but I really am. We've had our differences, and I hope we can get past that. I'd hate to lose a friend.

3. Alexis is working a whole ton more.
-When I'm at home, she's at school. When she's at home, I'm at work. She works a lot more now, so that she can pay her car off. And I hardly see her. I hate it. I miss her so much.

4. Juke
-I'm sure we all know what I'm talking about. I miss him. So so so so so much... I can't believe I didn't get to see him.

Alright, well done with the ranting.

Good News:

1. I have a place to go officially.
-Adam is holding the room for me, and I'm paying him some of the money tomorrow, if I can get a hold of him.

2. Work is getting better.
-My legs are actually getting used to walking around so much. It's starting to get better, especially since I just got paid! :-)

3. Going back to something that I did earlier today before I left. I went to T-Mobile. Yup, you guessed it! I have a phone! FINALLY!!! So, for everyone that wants it, here's my number. 801-669-7058 Just text/call me and tell me who you are so that I can add you.

Well, thanx for all those that actually read this! :-)

Jorden

I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes)

This was so much fun! Some of them are very true, others are just hilarious or terrible!

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button (ONLY ONCE!!!) to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS - even if it is incredibly embarrassing.
4. Tag 15 friends who might enjoy doing the same as well as the person you got the note from.
5. Ready? GO GO GO!!

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY...

She's Gotta Be – Keith Urban (haha oh yeah!)


2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Supernatural – Flyleaf (haha too true)

3) WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GIRL/GUY?
Miss America – Styx (oh man, do I need to say anything?)

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Another Race – Eiffel 65 (from outer space!)

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE PURPOSE?
Buried Myself Alive – The Used (….)


6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Vampires Will Never Hurt You – My Chemical Romance (haha, me likey)

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The First Time We Ever Met – A Change Of Pace (saweeeeet!)

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Good Morning Baltimore – Nikki Blonsky (haha my life is a musical... HAIRSPRAY!)

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Gone Away – The Offspring (haha, my intelligence just went away...)

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FREIND?
The Funeral of Hearts – H.I.M. (that's terrible!)

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Another Hole In The Head – Nickelback (oh man, could it be more true!)

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Big, Blonde and Beautiful – Hairspray (wow, couldn't be more wrong! haha)

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Home Is Where The Heart Is – A Change Of Pace (I like it)

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Martian Girl – The Aquabats (hahahahaha that's awesome!)

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Destination Tokyo – Seve Vs Evan (haha oh wow that rocks)

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Can't Repeat – The Offspring (I sure hope I don't repeat my wedding!)

17) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

2^nd Movement of the Odyssey – Incubus (it's from halo! Yes, that's right, the video game!)

18) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Second to None – Styles of Beyond (Feat. Mike Shenoda) (haha that's awesome, yet terribly mean!)

19) WHATS THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Echoplex – Nine Inch Nails (haha, i'll give you that)

20) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
The Kids Aren't Alright – Americana (I better go make them feel alright then huh? haha)

23) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Suite Madame Blue – Styx (haha, not exactly a funny song)

24) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
I'm Alive – Disturbed (not exactly a sad song, haha)

25) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Kountry Gentleman – Family Force 5 (I don't know what that means, but I'll take it.)

26) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Flat On The Floor – Nickelback (haha, I like it)

27) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Take Care – A Change Of Pace (sweet, that means people do!)

28) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
I Found Myself Today – A Change Of Pace (looks like I wouldn't change a thing!)

29) WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
My Happy Ending – Avril Lavigne (oh if it wasn't so true)

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
I Caught Fire (In Your Eyes) – The Used (good song)

The Latest in Depression

Why does this keep on happening. As soon as I start to be able to live, I lose it all. If this is god's way of telling me to come back to him, it's not going to work. Ever! My life is pretty much miserable. I'm back to square one, and this time I don't know how to get out. No job. In order to get a job, I need a phone for them to contact me at. In order for me to have a job I need a car to get there with. No girlfriend. In order for me to get a girlfriend, I need a phone to talk to her with. In order for me to get a girlfriend, I need a car to see her with. And in order for me to have a girlfriend I need a job to take her on dates. Bascally, I'm at a stand still, and I have no idea how to get out. Soon, I'll be the last one without a job. Therefore, yet again, the only one without rent. I owe Deena about a thousand dollars (I'm not exaggerating by the way, I owe her at least 950 dollars), and I have no idea how I'm supposed to pay her back. How am I supposed to satisfy everyone around me when I can't even satisfy myself?

I feel like all I can do now, is just leave. Get myself away from anyone I care about, so that I don't hurt them anymore. Go live in a box in california. Or on a rug in mexico. No rent, right? I can't handle this anymore.

Infected Mushroom... two words that create the techno band of amazingness!

Well, I know you all have been waiting for this. Now, I know you guys don't really want to hear about drugs and such so I'll make that part quick. My first play was to do some Extacy while I was there. That plan fell through because I couldn't find anyone that had any. So, Rob told me about this cold medicine, called Delsym, that really fucks you up. He also said that you can buy it from Wal-Mart. I jumped on the idea, and went and bought a 9 dollar bottle of said drug. From what Rob said, Delsym had DXM in it. This drug is similar to both Extacy and Acid. You get kinda horny, things are magnatized, like Extacy. But, also, it makes you feel like you're watching yourself in a third person view, and you halucinate a bit. This should be fun, I thought. So, in the car, before we got there, we smoked up some weed, and then when we got there, I drank the whole bottle. That's what they told me to do, so don't think I like overdosed or something. That's just how you take it. It didn't taste too bad. I was like the syrup for some grape soda or something. It took about a half an hour to completely hit. Before we went in, Rob looked at me and hissed, mouth wide open, his fake fangs shooting out like he was about to suck my blood. Although, I'm sure, you know what that looks like, it looked a lot creepier to me. It looked as though his mouth was opening wider than humaly possible, and his whole body was lunging to eat me!

So, we walked in. I got in first, and before Rob and Amber did, they had to go back to the car. Now, you can't leave, there is no re-entry, so that left me alone. That was insane. I'm standing there, for what felt like an eternity, getting scared out of my wits! At one point, two girls walked past with neon ribbons hanging from their skirts. I thought that they were crazy looking neon snakes about to jump out and eat someone! When they finally got back, they realized they needed something else from the car, so that left me waiting yet again. I sat down against the wall and waited. When they finally got back, I jumped to my feet, and followed them.

We walked around for a bit, getting familiar with the new atmosphere of a rave. It was very different. Concerts are dangerous. Very dangerous. People drinking, fighting, not caring about anyone around them. Raves, on the other hand, are very safe. Everyone loves everyone. PLUR! Plur is something that ravers believe in. It's an acronym for Peace, Love, Unity and Respect. Everyone is very chill. You can walk up to some random person, ask them their name, and chill with them for an hour or two, and it's like you've known each other for years!

So, Rob and Amber got in a fight. Who knew, right? They are doing so much better now. They got engagement rings! :-) Anyways, I decided i wasn't going to let them ruin my night, so I ditched them. I walked around, looking for people to meet. Amber had introduce Rob and I to a couple of her friends, so I looked for them. I also knew that Morgan and her friends, along with Banta and a few of his friends would be there, so I looked for them too. I found Amber's friends, still can't remember their names. Oh, by the way, when we met them, they saw the contacts that I was wearing and they thought that I was rolling so hard I was going to die. It looked like my eyes were so dialated, I should've been dead... Haha! I was also wearing some really comfortable pants with the shirt that I created. It was a white shirt that I had splattered with neon paint and put a glow in the dark Mushroom on the front. The back had I M, standing for Infected Mushroom, with a mushroom inbetween it.

I chilled with them for a bit, and as soon as they walked away, a girl walked up to me and introduced herself. Her name was Anisa, she was very short, 16 years old, ahd shoulder-length brown hair, and was in a very hot Rave outfit. I introduced myself, told her that I was alone at the moment and that it was my first rave. "We're gonna make it a good one!" She said. She had been to 4 raves, this was her fifth. I followed her to another spot in the Salt Air and she introduced me to her friends. "... And this is my Mom..." What? Huh? Are you serious? It took me off guard. I couldn't believe her mom was there with her. Better yet, she was rolling on Extacy! What the hell? That was very strange. She was an awesome person though. Fun to hang with. So I chilled with them for most of the night. We went upstairs and I gave her a massage. Then we went outside, and layed down on the wet muddy grass. Made-out a few times and just enjoyed the night. When Infected mushroom came on, we went inside. Anisa was all over every guy there, but it didn't bother me at all. I barely knew her!

At one point in time, this girl comes up to me. She's wearing kinda big, nerdy neon glasses, and has two crazy awesome lights in her hands! She gave me a great light show, so in return, I made-out with her a few times... Haha. I know, I'm a manwhore.... Still don't remember her name.... Started with an S... Stella I think... haha!

I bumped into Rob and Amber throughout the night, never together though... Rob got tired, so he went out to the car and waited for us about an hour before it was over. The rest of the night, I chilled with Amber. We enjoyed the last hour of the concert. Infected Mushroom were fantastic live. They really involved the audience. Oh, by the way, they didn't come on till about 1 in the morning. They do that on purpose, because, although drugs are illegal, the know that everyone is on something, so they give time for the drugs to really kick in, and then they come on. At about 4 O'clock they were done, so Amber and I ran out to the car to beat the traffic. Rob drove home, since I was still fucked up... haha. Rob was a fantastic driver, he didn't do anything wrong. We stopped at a gas station, got some water, and then came home. They dropped me off, and Rob and Amber went to Amber's house.

Anyways, it was the best concert I have ever been to. Everyone was so chill and just plain awesome! Well, I hope I didn't annoy you with my drug taking. If you read through the entire thing, thanx for reading.. Haha! Cya!

Jorden

P.S. Isn't it about time I write blog? LOL

Upcoming!

Well, I don't have time to do it now, but sooner or later, I'm going to post a blog all about the Infected Mushroom night! It will be long. haha!

Pieces

Verse 1:
She never let him go.
Now she's left in pieces, again.
And I'll be there for her.
I'll put her, back together now.

I won't give up.
No matter how tough.
I'll be there for her.

Chorus:
I will lift her up.
I will be her land
On soggy waters,
Rain on my shoulder,
I'll be there for her.

Verse 2:
I've found the edges.
I've got the frame
Of the picture that
Was once her heart
I've found Cupid's arrow.

Chorus

Now she stands (On her own)
I lifted her up (On my own)
Now she stands (On her own)
And she turns to me and smiles.

Chorus
Chorus

Comments Please!!!!

I want to type, but don't know what.... HA!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm I had the sudden urge to write a new blog, but had no idea what to write about........




I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! haha yeah, i'm working for Mr. Network, the same place Sam works at. It'll be nice, this way I won't have to steal any cars to go to work. I'm glad that I won't have to worry about rent anymore.... What a lift! Anyways, the first episode of The Office is on in the other room. It's Hilarious! I love the Office. One of the best comedys! For all those who think it is stupid, it's probably because you've only seen one or two episodes. The comedy of the show is almost completely characteristic. You have to know the characters in order to laugh at the joke. So watch it a few more times, and I guarentee you will be laughing histarically when you do!

That was a random side tangent on The Office.... I told you I had nothing to write about...

haha............ ummmmmm

hmmmmm

well, i don't know what to write about...... so i'll talk to you later.......... If you're reading this, step one of my evil plot to take over the cyber world is complete................. I just wasted 5 minutes of your time.... BWAHAHAHAHA BWAHAHAHAH!

The door is open. The light is on. All I need to do is get up.

Hmm... Life is quite the interesting subject. Talk to some, and they will say that life is a waste. Life is not worth living, and that you're better off elsewhere. Heaven or Hell. Talk to others, and they will tell you that life is worth it. You're better off here, learning, growing, living. I've realized this more this past week than any other time in my life. The time we have on this earth is precious. Every little memory; every little pasttime; every little heartbreak is another step to growth. The good. The bad. The happy. The sad. Every emotion, every thought, every feeling is life itself. To make it good, all you have to do is think that all is well.

I know. Quite the change from my last blog, eh? :P Well, I have had a lot on my mind, and I have decided, that it's not worth wasting my time worrying. Worrying about the future, worrying about love or hate. But what it is worth, is learning. My past week has been a rollercoaster of every emotion and trial that's really possible in my situation.

The other night, I walked to the door, grabbed the ripstick and decided to be alone for a while. Cameron noticed I was leaving and asked if he could tag along. "NO!!!!" I thought to myself, but said, "Sure..." When we got out, I spilled my thoughts. I told him how I was feeling. Told him that I was ready to give up. Then he said one of many things that I will never forget. "Every trial your going through, you can handle. Nothing is thrown at you that you can't." I thought to myself, "Yeah, I can handle this. I'm tough. I'm not weak. I'm not going to give in to whatever power is trying to bring me down. I can step up and do this." Cameron has such a way of being profound sometimes. I do miss walking out with him to have a smoke. A lot was said on our small 5 minute breaks. Thanx Cam.

I don't know what's going to happen to me within the next year, let alone the next month. All I know is that I can handle it, and I can learn from it. Morgan is an amazing girl. I can't explain to anyone what happened to me the very first time I saw her. On my side, it was love at first sight. But she's not ready, and I don't know if she ever will be. For me at least. I do know that because I met her, I have grown. I have learned. I have learned patience, love, compassion, friendship, and all of this happened in one week. One week of my small existence. The best, and worst week of my life. She is broken. Broken into many pieces. I've noticed that a lot of the girls that I have liked, started out broken, I've mended them, and then they move on. Move on to bigger and better things. I just hope that one day, one of them won't want to leave, and I'll stay with them forever.

As for my roommates, I couldn't ask for better. Sam pulled me aside, and told me that he didn't feel how I thought he felt about me. Told me that he was there for me, and if there was anything I needed, he would help me out. This caught me off guard so bad. I don't know if he noticed, but I was shocked. I have no idea why. I should have known this. They are amazing in every way. I love the many late night talks I have with Deena (mostly about how stupid guys are, but hey, it helps me not be stupid! jk). She is one of the greatest women in my life.

NESSA!!!!!!!! I can't even start! I don't know where to start. You love me no matter what I do. But I will tell you this, your guilt stares sure work! Haha! I couldn't ask for a better fake sis! I can tell you this much. We did meet for a reason. Now, what that reason is, I couldn't tell you. But you have done so much for me, and I don't know how I'll even prepare to begin to pay you back. Love ya, and always will.

Alyse. You rock! I've missed seeing you so much. You helped me realize who I am. You gave me confidence. I love reading your many blogs. It's nice to stay updated when I don't see you as much anymore. I wish I had a car! :-P

Cosette. I don't even know if you read my blogs, but you are one awesome girl. Your latest blog sure helped me out, and I am indebted to you for it. Thank you for being support when you didn't even know it! Tee hee! :->

And if there is anyone else I forgot, I'm sorry. I'm very tired. I just took my sleeping pill and it sure has kicked in. I can barely still sit here and type, so I'll be off. Thank you to all for giving me a better lookout on life and a stronger self-confidence. Goodnight

Jay

Can anyone turn on the light?

My blogs are always so dramatic, and I'm sorry if I annoy anyone. Just had to say that.
(your probably rolling your eyes thinking "here we go again...")

This past week... I can't even describe it. It was what I thought the best week of my life, but it turned out to be one of the worst.

Sunday Night:
So, I'm out smoking a cigarette with Cameron, and his dad picks him up to take him to job corps. Janae pulls in and we start talking. She tells me that they were rolling that night and said that I could come roll also. So, I scrounged the apartment for coins, and came up with the twelve dollars for one pill. I went to their apartment at around 7 and I met her. Morgan. *sigh* We talked and talked and talked about everything. I have not been able to talk to someone so easily, so quickly. She was like my other half. Then, at around 930, we took the pills. I snorted mine. The trip hit very very fast. All night, morgan and I hung out. She was very horny because of the pills, but because of past experiences, and the longing for this to last, I didn't let anything happen. We kissed, but I wouldn't let it go any further. The next day, I woke up as one of the three people on her bed, and thought, "I could get used to this!" Kite, a juvy runaway, was sleeping next to me, and Morgan was on the other side of me. She was so cute while she was sleeping. :-P

Monday:
I stayed with her all day. We hung out, talked about more music, and just did whatever. That night, I was spiked again. I was tripping, high, and drunk all at the same time. MY GOD! My body had no idea what I had done to it. She was also drunk, and once again, horny. Still, I didn't let anything happen. If anything was going to happen, I wanted both of us to be sober when it did. Later, I went to H&R block with my dad, and she went out with her kind of boyfriend idiot, who everyone hates. He treated her terribly, and being with me, made her realize that she could have better. She was with him for hours. In the end, I realized that they were in her room, getting all of his shit that he had left there. Right when I decide to go over there, HE is walking out. AWKWARD!!!! Anyway, she came back and anounced that she was officially single, but was a little distant, giving me the hint that she wanted to stay that way for a while. I respected that, but still /shrugged it off.

Tuesday:
I again, wake up by her side, with a smile. She had even told me that I'm the first guy she's actually been able to comfortably cuddle with, and sleep at the same time. We, again, hung out all day. That night we were both pretty sober, and I let my gaurd down. Damnet.

Wednesday:
Wake up to her cuddling, and decide that this is a good life. I couldn't understand how I could fall for someone so damn quickly, but I had. We hung out, but I ended up sleeping in my own bed! Haha!

Thursday:
I went back over there at about 10, and we hung out all day. Then, Kite, had no place to stay and almost got the cops called on him. We had to take him home. Jake, Morgan's best friend, AND EX, took him home, and we tagged along. Five hour drive at 11 at night. My GOD! When we got back, we were both very tired, so we went to our own beds.

Friday:
I, again, went back over in the morning, and we hung out all day, and ended up rolling again that night. The only difference was I had two, instead of one. I thought it would be a good night, until Morgan was being very distant. I was doing okay, until the stoners went home, and it was only four of us. Two guys, and two girls. As Morgan put it, the pressure was on. As soon as they left, and Sam kicked me out, my trip was terrible. I was very very moody, and I didn't enjoy anything. And to make matters worse, I slept on the couch. Ouch!

Saturday:
I realized that she needed some space. So I left her alone, but continued to bitch and complain about how stupid I had been that week to Jake. He kept on telling me I was just making it worse for her, and our chances slimmer. That night though, they came over. She wanted to say hi. It made my night. Better, and worse. I wanted her so badly, but knew if I tried, it would be over.

Sunday, Today:
She called me, and asked for a griddle for pancakes. I brought it over, said hi for a minute, and left. We texted on and off today, and things are looking better. I just feel different. That's what I get for being stupid, right? I feel a change in me. I'm more quite. More relaxed. And very very spacey. I space out so often.... Too often. I don't know if my roommates have noticed it. And now, I've screwed them over for rent this month. In the end, I will have around 150 to 200 dollars, when I need 368. I'm an irresponsible, joke of a friend, loser. I'm sure my roommates agree. On top of it all, Morgan is moving. The cops are finding out that they were keeping Mike Banta, Kite's runaway Juvy friend, and it's getting too sketchy. Also, they don't have enough credit to sign a contract. I don't know where she's going, but she's moving out with Jake. What the fuck? I know they're best friends and all, but moving out with your ex who is still madly and deeply in love with you? Absolutely ridiculous.

Anyways, to conclude, I have ruined chances with an amazing girl, can't come up with rent and screwed over my roommates, and, now have changed because of one week. One crazy, perilous week that fucked me up the ass. I'm sorry to anyone that I have offended. Hopefully you'll forgive me.

Jorden out.

Attachment in 4 days

Oh my god! This has been an insane week. So let me fill you all in.

Sunday night, the girls across the hall invited me to a party. Janay (i have no idea how she spells it) was where my eye was. I had a bit of a crush on her. Then, I met Morgan! :-P Right when I met her, we talked about music and music and music. For the rest of the night, we were together. We talked and hung out the entire night, and a few of us ended up crashing in her room. I woke up next to her, and I thought, "I could get used to this!" (we didn't have sex or anything, we were just trippin, and very high, so three of us crashed on her bed.) What was funny about the entire night is, her ex-boyfriend, who, mind you, is still absolutely and completely in love with her, was telling both of us that we should date. Also, the first day she moved in, she saw my skating on the ripstick, and told Jake, (the ex), that I was cute, and she was totally checking me out! Haha! So anyways, back to my story. She was kinda sorta dating someone at the time. His name was Devan the Dueshbag. Everyone hates him. He was the kind of guy that loves his car more than anything else, and yet won't use it to drive from orem to see her. She has been meaning to end it all, but she never did. I gave her reason to. We were talking about it the next day, and he wanted to hang out. So I went to H&R block, like I said in my last blog, and she went out with him. I was kinda worried, cause they were in her room for an eternity, but then I found out why! I went over there, and he walks out with a bunch of his shit, in his hands. They were getting rid of his shit that he had left! They broke up! :-P So that night, I stayed again. Got baked and tripped again (cause it lasts). We still didn't do anything. I didn't want this to be only a drug trip, so I wouldn't let her do anything, even though she sure tried. I wanted to wait till a day we were both sober, and then maybe think about anything. I wanted our relationship to be real. So the next day, I chilled there all day. I came home to sleep though. We figured I'd been over there so long.... even though I went back at 10 the next morning.... Haha! Hung out with her all day, yet again. We lay down and listen to music all day. Normally, I would say we need to do other things, but first, neither of us have any money, and second, we both are enjoying ourselves quite a bit! :-> Going on, last night, we had to take this 15 year old runaway back home. He had runaway from rehab, and he didn't have a place to stay. Kite, (interesting name huh?) stayed across the hall for a while, and then Jake took him home. Jake's dad threatened to call the cops, so we had to take him home, all the way to Ferrin. This small town half an hour from Price. It was a 2 and a half drive there. Jake wanted to take only Kite and Morgan. Morgan didn't like this idea, because that would mean two and a half hours alone with her ex who is in love with her, on the way back. So she told him it was either Morgan and I, or neither. That made me happy! Shows that she's loyal! :-) So we went. Dropped off Kite. Jake was really sad about it though. He had grown to like Kite quite a bit. He was crying on the drive home, but he's alright. It was about 330 when we got back, so we just went to our own rooms, and she told me to come wake her up this morning. So, at 1045, I went in and jumped on her! :-> It was fun. Anyways, to make a long story short, Morgan is an awesome girl. She's only been out for about half an hour, and I already miss her. Haha! I'm pathetic! She's really cute. She is so tan, and it is way sexy! She has a vision imparement, but I think it's cute. She has to get, like, an inch from the computer screen and follow the cursor cause it's so small. It's not like she can't see, she just can't drive. Anyways, I'll quit doating on her. :-P I'm sure you're sick of it! :-> :-> :-> :->

hmmm... life and it's many confuzing aspects....

So to begin, I went to a party last night and it was THE best party I've ever been to. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Mainly because I met this awesome girl. Her name is Morgan. We hit it off quite well. We had a great night and we planned to hang out today. Well, I get up, come back to the apartment and I had to go to H&R block to fix my tax return issues. I told her that I'd come after I got back. In fact, she made me promise. I get back and she's out with this loser that everyone hates. His name is Devan, Devan the Deusch. Nobody likes him. He's one of those controlling guys that love their car more than their girlfriend. They are not officially together, but he acts like it. She was going to stop him, so that we could give us a try. Well, when I got back from H&R block, like I said, she wasn't there. Mind you, this was about 130 or so. Now, she's still with him, and, ridiculous as it is, I'm jealous. I just met her last night, but we connected so well. I don't know. Maybe I should quit being such a drama queen. I really like this girl, though. Hopefully it'll all work out.

Oh, and the usual:
No car
No phone
No money
Bad job

Life Rocks!

Me = L for LOSER!

Okay, so that's a bit dramatic, but from outpoint of view, I am quite the definition of loser! I lose my job because I'm late, I lose my phone because I'm too clumsy, I lose my car because I'm too lazy to fix it. I sit around the apartment all day playing video games having no way of doing anything, and now here I am on the computer bitching about it.... Hmm.... Yeah.... Loser!

I'm sorry for all the bitching but it feels good. Cam is leaving me, so I won't have anyone to keep me company while I sit around the apartment waiting for a car to go look for jobs. I'm going to be alone, without money, without a phone, and without something to do (other than stare at a fucking boob tube). And Now! Just to make everything better, Pleasant Springs Apartments decided to charge us a humongous late fee for paying rent late. We have no idea how to pay it and if we don't in 3 days, we're evicted. UGH!!!

Life has a way of slamming the door shut just in time to cut off your big toe, leaving you imbalanced and hurt. Blah Blah Blah, I'll shutup now.

Jorden

life and all its wonderfulness...

Well, to bitch about life, no car, no job, no money, no phone, and no girl. On the upside, Jon Schmidt just came out with a new song and it is fantastic! You should check it out! It's on Youtube. It's a compilation of Taylor Swift's Love Story and Viva La Vida by Coldplay. It rocks.

So it has been a while since I've blogged. I don't know why, but it has. I just need to bitch about life for a minute. I'm really angry at myself for a few reasons.
1. For being late to work 4 times... ugh...
2. For losing my fucking phone just as soon as it gets service back.
3. For not just fixing my car instead of selling it.
4. And just for losing the game of life...

Depressing eh? Yeah, by losing my job, not only have I disappointed myself, but I have now put my roommates in a scary position cause in about a month I won't have the money for rent.

On the upside, I might get a lifeguarding position. I just have to pay $125 plus supplies in order to take the class... ugh ugh ugh. Life's great, right?

Anyways. I'll stop bitching. I'm sure it's getting annoying.

Jorden

Twisted Twilight!

Twisted Twilight

By Eric D. Snider

Scene 1

BELLA: I'm sad to leave the horrible, uninhabitable wasteland of Phoenix to live in a rain-soaked town full of country people that do not understand my city ways. I wish everything about my comfortable and privileged life were completely different!
DAD: Hi, Bella! Welcome to Forks, Washington. I'm glad you've stopped playing mother to your own flighty, irresponsible mom and come here to be my mother instead.
BELLA: It will be my pleasure to cook and clean for you.
DAD: I bought you an old truck from an Indian in a wheelchair!
BELLA: I ... have no response for that.

* * * * *

Scene 2

BELLA: It's tough being the new kid in school! Especially when everyone is so friendly and helpful and interested in me. Why can't they just leave me alone so I can sit in the corner and be left alone to pout?
CLASSMATE: You're awesome, Bella!
BELLA: See what I have to put up with? Hey -- who are those hot people over there?
CLASSMATE: Those are the Cullens. They avoid direct sunlight, they don't eat food, they sleep in coffins in a graveyard, and holy water burns them. I think they're Canadians.
BELLA: They sure are spectacularly gorgeous.
CLASSMATE: Yes, they are.
BELLA: I mean seriously, those people are BEAUTIFUL. Especially the one who keeps looking at me. Man alive, that guy is stunning. I mean, wow. He is hot buttered seduction on a stick. I mean, LOOK AT HIM! If you don't mind, I'd like to spend the next 75 pages talking exclusively about how attractive he is, and then bring it up again every paragraph or so for the remaining 400 pages.
CLASSMATE: Knock yourself out.

* * * * *

Scene 3

EDWARD: Hi, I'm Edward. I'm every girl's fantasy boyfriend: moody, humorless, violent, capable of snapping your spine with my bare hands, liable to do creepy things like watch you while you're sleeping, but also really cute.
BELLA: There is something strange about you.
EDWARD: (recoils at her garlic breathe) I don't know what you mean.
BELLA: I just can't put my finger on what it is.
EDWARD: (lifts automobile with one hand) You're imagining things.
BELLA: I feel like you're hiding something from me.
EDWARD: (grabs passing rabbit with lightning speed; drinks rabbit's blood) Don't be silly!
BELLA: It's like you're different somehow.
EDWARD: (turns into bat; flies away)
BELLA: Hmm. I bet he's foreign.

* * * * *

Scene 4

JACOB: You should be careful with those Cullens. Many moons ago, our tribe's elders, who were werewolves, made a pact with the Cullens, who were vampires. They're not allowed on our land, not even at our casinos.
BELLA: What, still? Even after all this time has passed?
JACOB: Nope.
BELLA: Since when do white people honor treaties with Indians?
JACOB: I know, right?
BELLA: Let me guess -- you're a character whose only job is to provide exposition, and you won't be useful until the next book.
JACOB: Yes. At the earliest.

* * * * *

Scene 5

BELLA: Thanks for saving me from that mob of guys who attacked me in the street! It's a good thing you obsessively stalk me while simultaneously insisting you want nothing to do with me.
EDWARD: No problem. If anyone's going to tear you limb from limb and gorge them selves on your sweet, delicious, life-giving blood, it's going to be me.
BELLA: Aw, you say the nicest things! I'm pretty sure you're a vampire, that I'm in love with you, and that part of you wants to kill me.
EDWARD: Don't be silly. It's not just part of me.
BELLA: HAHAHA!!! You're so funny!

* * * * *

Scene 6

EDWARD: You know what vampires love? Baseball!
BELLA: Really?
EDWARD: Sure! Haven't you ever heard of vampire bats?

(Crickets.)

EDWARD: Anyhoo, these are the vampire friends I live with, the Cullens. They've been very eager to eat you.
BELLA: You mean meet me?
EDWARD: Meet you. What did I say?
ALICE: I'm Alice! I can see the future, but only when it's useful to the plot. For example, right now: Look out for those mean vampires barging in from the forest!
MEAN VAMPIRE JAMES: Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum! I smell the blood of a human!
EDWARD: Stay away from her! Bella, you'd better go. I don't want you to have to see me fight this guy for your honor, our muscles straining as we grapple, the air thick with testosterone and the sounds of our throaty snarling.
BELLA: Right! I wouldn't want to see that! Especially not if your shirts got torn off!

* * * * *

Scene 7

MEAN VAMPIRE JAMES: You puny humans are so predictable and weak. Now I've got you alone, free to toy with you and torture you and deliver lengthy explanatory monologues to you! I just hope I don't waste so much time that when I finally do decide to kill you it's too late because Edward and the Cullens have arrived to save you!
BELLA: That would certainly be an unusual twist!
MEAN VAMPIRE JAMES: Never mind! At last it is time for me to--
EDWARD: Not so fast, Count Jerkula!
MEAN VAMPIRE JAMES: Edward! And the Cullens! Who could have foreseen your perfectly timed arrival?!
ALICE: I could have! Didn't, but could have!

(Fighting ensues. MEAN VAMPIRE JAMES is vanquished.)

EDWARD: Bella! Are you OK? He bit you! I've got to suck out the vampire poison!
BELLA: Edward, you don't have to make up excuses to suck my blood. I mean honestly, who ever heard of "vampire poison"?
EDWARD: I'm serious! It's coursing through your veins as we speak!
BELLA: Uh-huh, Whatever you say.

* * * * *

Scene 8

BELLA: Why did you bring me to the prom, Edward? You know I can't dance, and that I hate it when people tell me I'm beautiful, which happens all the time.
EDWARD: I don't want your dangerous psychological infatuation with a vampire to interfere with your regular life.
BELLA: But I want to BE a vampire! I want you to do it to me.
EDWARD: You're sure you want to be a vampire?
BELLA: Yes.
EDWARD: Well, how about if I press my lips against your throat in an ambiguous way, just enough to ensure that readers come back for the sequel?
BELLA: It's a deal.

(Fade to black; roll credits; send in ushers to mop up audience's tears and drool.)

Warped Tour 09 BABY!!!!!

These are the bands that are coming to salt lake city for this years warped tour. I am SO going. I've highlighted some of my favs.

_ * 3OH!3
* A Day To Remember
* A Skylit Drive
* Aiden
* Alexisonfire
* Bad Religion
* Bayside
* Big D and the Kids Table
* Black Tide
* Bouncing Souls
* Breathe Carolina
* brokeNCYDE
* Cash Cash
* Dirty Heads
* Escape The Fate
* Every Avenue
* Forever The Sickest Kids
* Gallows
* I Set My Friends On Fire
* In this moment
* InnerPartySystem
* Less Than Jake
* LIGHTS
* Longway
* Madina Lake
* Meg and Dia
* Millionaires
* NOFX
* Saosin
* Senses Fail
* Shad
* Shooter Jennings
* Streetlight Manifesto
* TAT
* The Architects
* The Devil Wears Prada
* The Exploited
* The Maine
* The White Tie Affair
* There For Tomorrow
* TSOL
* TV/TV
* Underoath
* Valencia
* VersaEmerge
* Westbound Train

I cannot WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you

I've been thinking about it a lot and I think thanks are in order. I have a lot of good friends and I just feel the need to be grateful and tell them!

First- SAM! You fucking rock my socks off! You've helped me a lot especially lately with my car being gone. You've lent me your car whenever you can. You're pretty much an awesome friend, though we may bash heads every once in a while! Thanks for dealin with me!

Cam!- You are fucking hilarious! We shall miss you around here. As soon as those 60 or 90 days (can't remember how long) is up, definitely come visit. We'll bring you in with open arms! By the way, great choice on Cori! She's awesome!

Deena- You are an awesome friend dee. You've helped me a lot with work, girls, and just me in general. You've made me a better person. And I will always be here to talk to about stupid guys!

Jenessa- How can I even start. You are my little sister. There is no other way to say it. I love the talks we have. You help me so much, with everything in my life; from the past to the present, to the future. You have helped me make the right decisions and have made me a better person.

Alyse- What can I say? You were there for me when my entire world fell apart. You picked up the pieces of what was left of me, and began putting them back together right from the start. You picked me up when I was down. I can't thank you enough. Whatever happens with us, you will always be here, a part of me. You have built me up into who I am now. Thank you so much.

Well, I think that's everyone. Once again, thank you all!

... No Idea!

Haha, so I'm in a good mood considering. My problems as of late have been, as I said to Nessa and Alyse, Absolutely Negatively Obnoxiously Annoyingly Frustrating! Yes, it is that bad! It's getting very Agonizing! (Come up with any other negative words let me know!) anyways. I don't think I'm getting the car I want. My 2006 Hyundai Elantra GT. :-< Oh well. I think I may just have to go with a 500 dollar peice of shit 1991 Subaru until I actually have credit and I'm able to get a loan. Ugh. Just a tad bit... hmm can't think of any others... (fuck it) Frustrating. (couldn't think of any others at all! HELP ME!) Anyways. I get to hang out with Nessa today and I am so fucking excited. I've missed hanging out with her when sam goes to bed.... haha! anyways. That was kind of a short blog, but I need to get ready for the day. Umm... You'll probably get a lot of I HATE TRYING TO GET LOANS/I WISH I HAD CREDIT blogs until I get a decent car. well anyways. as gir would say "I miss the cupcake!" *scratch out cupcake, insert Nessa*
Peace Out!
Jorden
Jordy
Jay
Dude with the face
Kid without a car
Negative word guy
Whatever else you can think of......
(okay jorden, shut up and post the damn thing...)

Life. Car. Everything.

Why? Why, when I finally start getting more hours at work, start feeling like I may actually be able to pay my bills, my stupid FUCKING CAR DIES! It's like fate has it in for me. I was going to go out to the bank, find out if I can get a loan and look for cars today. How am I supposed to do that when I don't even have a car to go do this with? I hate how life just keeps getting in my face, laughing. I wish that maybe just one thing would go right. Just one! Make me feel better. Ugh. Now my mom is really mad at me for moving out. I told her that it just wouldn't work with my lifestyle and she pulls the "Start doing the RIGHT things and it wouldn't matter" bowl shit and I was so tempted to just yell at her. I am sick of the judgment of stupid UTAHNS!!!!! Why can't I just live life the way I want to. Be who I want to be. BE ME, without people getting at me for it! It is absolutely fucking ridiculous! I hate being stranded in my apartment with no way of doing anything.
Anyways, sorry for the ridiculously emo blog.

Stuck in the dark abyss of loneliness.

okay, that sounded a little dramatic, but hey, sounds like a great line for a song! :-P

anyways, its been a very long time since i've blogged, even though i've had so much on my mind it is absolutely ridiculous.

First. Ex-girlfriends. I've had my share of girlfriends. Probably too many for my age. To put it into perspective, i can't count how many girls i've kissed on three hands, and i can't count how many girlfriends i've had on two. I'm 18 for god's sakes! I know, I am a fucking manwhore. Anyways, i've been bumping into a few of my exes, and it has been interesting.
One, Katie, lives up in West Jordan, recently started talking to me again. I went up and saw her just a week ago, and that was awesome. No weird feelings, just talking, hanging out, playing football and basketball, and enjoying the weather. It was nice. she's an awesome girl, some guy is going to be very lucky, but not me. I don't want her, I've got my own!
Kenzie... this girl has been "in love" with me since she met me. I can always count on her coming crawling back whenever she goes through a break up... haha. She is an interesting one. I went and saw her last week, and that was strange. we talked like old friends, but i also discovered that she still likes me. what a shocker. This girl is a drama queen, a liar, a slut (not to be rude or anything, but if i walked up to her with a condom in hand she would then begin stripping, yes, that bad), and all around dramatic... did i already say that?... oh well. Anyways i don't plan on seeing her for a long while.
Then there is my most recent ex.... Julia... So many things go through my head when that name is said. Or even thought. Or referred to. (First, I have to apologize to Alyse. You are my world, Alyse. I don't know where I would be without you. Please don't let this get to you.) I loved Julia with all my heart. I was mentally ready to spend the rest of my life with her. Her family loved me. Even her dad! Which is a hard thing to do. Her family seemed to be very close to how my family is. They play games as a family, make sure that the family stays close. Board games have always been a classic around my parents house. We always played them as a family, and still do. Her family did the same. I felt at home when i was there. I was ready to be calling President Noble, Dad. And Sister Noble, Mom. Julia's brother and I got along quite well. We would teast Julia just as if we were brothers. I felt a part of the family already. In my mind, i knew that they were going to be my in-laws. Well, one day, Julia breaks up with me. For a week, I held my own. I kept on telling myself to get over it. Covered sadness with anger. Then one night she called me a liar and an asshole. I fell apart. Fragments of my heart all over the kitchen floor. I hadn't been able to talk to anyone about how I felt. No venting happened before this event. So it burst, like a balloon with too much air. I balled my eyes out for what seemed like days, even weeks, when it was only hours. Before that night, I had no idea that one's heart could hurt physically from an emotional cut. but that night proved me wrong. My chest, My heart really did feel as if someone was taking knife and slowly tearing it into small pieces. the cutting and burning sensation was unlike anything else. I didn't know what to do. I needed a hug, but didn't know if anyone wanted to give it. I grabbed sam. Now me and sam have had our differences. We bash heads quite often. But i think this has something to do with the fact that we're so much alike. Our strengths and weaknesses are the same. So our weaknesses do not compliment each other. but there is a reason I'm still his friend. And that's because he does care. I'm not a nuisence, I'm a friend. and it means a lot. Anyways back to hugging. Hugging sam that night made a huge difference. I wanted so desperately to hug either nessa or alyse, but didn't know how they would react. and deena, well she's one to try to solve things, not to comfort. So, it came to sam. Now i may sound a little gay putting sam on such a high pedestal, but what the hell? He did, he helped a lot. After i calmed down a little, Alyse and I proceeded to talk about music. she got my mind off things and let me show her a few of my favorite bands. I can't thank you enough, Alyse.
After that night... the remnants of my broken heart that i could salvage went into a safe. and i broke the key. on purpose. i told myself that i couldn't trust anyone with it anymore. My heart was mine, and mine alone. now, i so desperately want to give it up again, but i need the key. In order to get that, i need a blacksmith to make a new one. It has to be one hell of a blacksmith too. alyse has tried so many times, but no matter how willing i am, i just can't seem to give it up. There's a part of julia in that safe still. and i think she is keeping it shut. alyse has made the right key, but it won't open. i keep telling myself, "one day, you'll see julia, and nothing will happen. you own't hurt, wounds will not open, scars will be left alone" but every time i see her, i want desperately to be back. Back when we were together in the beginning, before we even had sex. but then i realize that that isn't possible, and i go off and wallow in my own self pity. then proceed to want Alyse terribly bad. i just hope that one day i can let her go. go on with life and let another heal my heart and claim it as their own.

I'm sorry to write such a depressing blog. I'll try to be more energetic next time!
goodbye good friends.

All For You

Alyse, this is the song I wrote you. To all others, your just going to have to deal with the sappiness for a minute!

You, you love me.
I can see it in your eyes.
You forgive me
For everything inside.

And you believe me.
You believe every word.
When I say...

Please forgive me,
for everything I've done.
Please believe me,
I'm just not that strong.
My heart is torn in two.
But all because of you.
My heart is healing now,
All for you.

You, you smile,
And look me in the eyes.
You say that you love me,
And there's no need to cry.

But you, you listen,
To me patiently.
When I say...

Please forgive me,
for everything I've done.
Please believe me,
I'm just not that strong.
My heart is torn in two.
But all because of you.
My heart is healing now,
All for you.

You forgive me,
for everything I've done.
You believe me,
and you're making me that strong.
My heart is now yours.
I'm giving it up to you.
I wear it on my shoulder,
All for you.
All for you.
Just for you.

There ya go Alyse. Happy Valentines Day again! :->

I thought that this was quite interesting! My Zodiac!

This fits so well its kinda scary!

Horses are hardworking people who are generally well liked and admired. As well as working hard, they play hard.
Horses are independent, and are well known for their individuality. They intuitively gravitate towards tasks to which they are well suited. This, together with their hard working nature invariably leads to success.
The horse is a strong masculine sign, and both male and female horses are fairly laid back and easy going, while at the same time being direct. Asked for an opinion, the horse will give it, and where factual matters are concerned, the horse is a good source of reliable information.
The horse is a placid person; however, if their passions are brought to the boil, the result is not easily forgotten - wild horses are hard to calm down. In the home the horse is a steady partner, although they are likely to give as much attention to their work as to their families. Horses easily fall in love, but there are many passing relationships before a long-term partner is found.
The Horse in 2009 Year of the OxThose born 1918 (Earth), 1930 (Metal), 1942 (Water), 1954 (Wood), 1966 (Fire), 1978 (Earth), 1990 (Metal), 2002 (Water) and 2014 (Wood).Horse people are hard-working and love a challenge, so this Ox year of hard work and challenge will be much easier for you equines than most others of the zodiac. This is a more rewarding year for you than last year and if you are in line for promotion you won’t be overlooked. Career and financial dealings are favourable, however if wanting to invest dodge the “get rich quick” schemes and stick to the tried and tested, rock solid deals. Determination should help you accomplish all you set out to achieve this year. Relationships fare reasonably well. Watch your reputation, and realise that others won’t be able to keep up your pace so make allowances for them. Your gemstone is the Topaz which gives you courage and confidence and assists in creativity and overcoming obstacles. Your most compatible signs are Tiger, Dog, Sheep and Pig and your lucky months are February, July and October.